This is a statement that has crossed my mind before. This happened a few years ago and I was convinced I met my future husband. Now, I did pray about it, I sought wisdom, guidance, and I "tried" to surrender it to the Lord. But the desire for my future husband to be in my life was so strong that a cloud blinded me. I was more set on what I wanted (and getting married young) that my game plan seemed absolutely perfect. And when I say game plan, boy did I have a plan! He would fall in love with me, pursue a relationship with me, and all of that would lead to marriage. Our relationship would be better than any fairytale and our wedding would be whimsical and perfect. I guess you could say that I've been a hopeless romantic ever since I was little. My childhood friends can vouch for this! Growing up my favorite movie was Beauty and the Beast, And that love story got me every time. I remember being 6 years old and squealing as the prince kissed Belle. It was like I was aware of love and what it was ever since I was little. I wanted to be that princess that was swept off of her feet and carried away by the most amazing Prince there ever was. Now that I'm older I can definitely say all of that is a blessing and a curse. Part of me wishes I wouldn't ever think about love, marriage, or a relationship until my future husband comes into my life. ( I was one of those girls that had my whole wedding planned out at 11.) But honestly, part of me is grateful that Jesus gave me this admiration for love and the ability to appreciate it and be excited for it, even if it is looked down upon as impractical or unrealistic . We live in a world where woman are obsessed with guys and are constantly dating or pursuing guys (because they think their happiness will come from them) or you have the feminist perspective where woman think, "who needs a man? I can rule the world on my own, thank you very much!". I think God desires for his daughters to admire love and how beautiful it truly is, but also desires for us to be content in him. Even if he places the appreciation for love and the beauty of it in your hearts at a young age, it's important to surrender it. So if you are a dreamer at heart and already have your wedding planned at 13 years old, than that's awesome! Don't let people push you down saying, "you are too young to be dreaming about that stuff!". I think there is a line that must be drawn simply to make sure you aren't obsessed or possessive of that dream. Ultimately God is the greatest dream we could ever wish or hope for. I believe he places that dream in our hearts for a reason.
Anywho, moving back to what I was talking about in the beginning. Oh that's right! We were talking about the hopeless romantic Katherine . So, I was pretty convinced I had met my husband. Well God had laid "Passion and Purity by Elizabeth Elliot" on my heart and I decided to buy it. As I was reading page after page I noticed a common theme. I was letting MY dreams, and my flesh get in the way of laying it down for what God wanted.
I realized how my desire for an earthly romance was far more greater than my heavenly romance with my king. It wasn't until I finally surrendered "my game plan" to Jesus that I was truly able to LET GO and feel peace about the whole thing. I finally prayed, "Jesus, you picked out the man I will marry, and if this isn't the guy you have for me than I can trust you will speak through my mom and my dad in your time!"
Guess what happened?.... I still grin every time I see how God worked so clearly in this situation.
That very evening me and mom jump in the car to drive home from an event. She turns to me and says, "Katherine, the whole evening the Lord was just pressing it upon my spirit that this guy is not the one he has for you! He has someone else, and he's going to be amazing!" I sat in my seat and giggled. I was amazed! She had absolutely no clue I had just prayed that God would speak through my parents that very morning and he DID! At this point you may be wondering if I felt super depressed and sad, but believe it or not I was soooo relieved. After time passed I realized that I didn't want my husband to be this fella. I realized that the man God had for me was going to be SO special and I wanted to wait and be patient. Thankfully Jesus took my feelings away and I was really able to let go and move on.
For a while I felt pretty stupid I'm not going to lie. I was pretty convinced and so sure of myself. I even thought I heard the voice of God saying, "He's the one!". But all the more reason to not base things off of feelings, things we hear, or our desires. The best we can do is bounce it off with God's word, because his word is filled with truth. Now, I do believe God speaks to us, yes! But if we aren't backing it up with his word then we are crossing dangerous territory.
If you are at this very moment feeling like you've found the one Or maybe there's this guy you admire more than anything and you're just hoping its God's will for you both to be together, I would like to encourage you. Because I'm speaking from experience.
Pray. Pray. Pray.
Pray that God would guard your heart from your fleshly desires, pray that God would protect you from giving your heart away to this guy. Pray for patience. Pray for peace. Sit at the feet of Jesus and talk to him about your heart. He loves listening to you share your worries, dreams, and heart with him. Remember! He knows you better than anyone ever will. Pray that you will honor your future husband in this situation (whether your dream guy is the one or not). How would you want your future husband to honor you if he was in this situation?
If you are not in God's word and not in prayer, this will allow the enemy to whisper lies, cause confusion, and cause heartbreak. Confusion is not of the Lord. God is a God of peace and comfort and if you are at war with restlessness or confusion it's a good sign that it's from the enemy.
Seek guidance and council from a trusted Godly friend. (Moms are the best too!) You need someone to hold you accountable, to be your prayer warrior, and someone to speak truth when you are stuck in la la land. I struggle with daydreaming :) Having someone hold you accountable in making sure your heart is in the right place is the very best place to be. Some of my very favorite moments is sharing my heart with my mom or dad and gaining wisdom, being reminded of truth and knowing that they are for me and with me.
God brought me through this situation to grow me, but also, I believe he allowed it to happen so that i could speak with other young ladies and woman who've experienced the same thing and encourage them! I promised myself that I would never share what happened because I felt so embarrassed and so silly about the whole thing! But I felt like maybe God was wanting me to be vulnerable with you ladies. To share with you that you will be wrong about things in life, but that's okay! As long as the bible and Jesus are the foundation of your life, the father has you. I think when we take our love story into our own hands that's where we can go wrong and get hurt.. That's when things get messy. But God is soooo filled with Grace and he desires for you to soak in his Grace.
God has definitely convicted me that marriage has been the goal of my life. When really, my goal should've been set on Jesus and deepening my relationship with him. Marriage is sweet, beautiful, and amazing, yes! But the real relationship we were created for is with Jesus Christ.
God sees your heart! Remind yourself that in due time he will reveal what his plans are for you. Just wait on him! And if this guy isn't your future husband, be at peace! Because that Just means God is saying "No" for a better "Yes". Hang in there sweet sisters!
Much love,
Rosie
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